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Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Consultants - dontcha just luv 'em?!?

Over at David Hepworth's there's an intelligent debate going on about Consultants, amongst other things. It's very good.

However, being time poor but sarcasm rich you won't get anything quite so involved from me. It's a different paradigm. I'll just paint a picture with my own enriched version of my favourite description of this noble best-of-breed:

"Consultants? - They're like seagulls: They spy your chips, fly in, squawk a lot, flap round your head for a while, land, strut around, eat all your food, squawk a lot more, then suddenly take off, fly around you for a bit longer, squawk en masse, crap on you, then disappear. It's very hard to tell one from another."



Piley said...

Yeah reckon you've just about nailed it there OP. My gaff were flooded with consultants in the 90s (when we had money to burn)... all getting paid hundreds of pounds a day, and doing jobs that the regulat staff could have done with ease and for a fraction of the price.

The bit you missed is they replace your chips somewhere else, looking all nice n that, then you go to eat em.... Yup, many a consultant timebomb has been found lurking in the anals of some visual basic programming or such like. When the plebs (that's me) are given the consultants work to maintain (once they fly the nest) you find little popups asking for passwords that have never been handed on...

A consultant once told me you could change jobs every 6 months and do nothing. On arrival you are given all the background papers to read - that takes 3 months. Then in the next 3 months you catch up on the 3 months worth of papers you missed in the 1st 2 months... then you leave....


office pest said...

Dam' right Piley. All the leftovers take some cleaning up that's a fact.