Saturday, 31 January 2009

'A Significant Snow Event'... apparently the modern-day weather forecasting way to refer to this kind of thing:

Please, weather forecasters, can you go back to using the English language properly, and some time soon? This habitual generation of grand, pseudo scientific sounding phrases to describe the bloody weather of all things is really annoying*. Will a nice hot day in July be a 'significant sunshine event'? No of course it won't, it will be 'A Scorcha' (phew).

Anyway, back to business. WARNING! WARNING! Could anyone reading this please heed all Official Orders to stay inside and do nothing whilst this dangerous Snow period passes. If everyone co-operates with the Authorities' advice Great Britain, already in dire straits, will be completely broke by the time you emerge into the sunshine, sometime in mid-May to be on the safe side. But never mind - Health and Safety comes first. It does in my book and it should in yours.

If however, you retain even a little faith in your capabilities as a developed human being and are reasonably careful about what you do and where & how you do it you should be able to soldier on during this coming week of Snow. As my two research scientist friends below are helpfully demonstrating, Snow is not poisonous nor possessed by killer demons. It can be safe, fun and picturesque.

Remember to:- check on the elderly and infirm; feed the birds; don't drive like a lunatic; avoid others driving like lunatics; leave plenty of time for your journey; eat plenty of Cadbury's chocolate and don't expect the trains to work.

Just BE CAREFUL out there, and we can get through this together.

*Note to Met. Office - the accuracy of the forecast is of far more importance than thinking up new, sexy ways to describe the weather.

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